Tuesday, January 3, 2012

This Is My Short Story

I wanted to write a scary short story. I hope you enjoy. Please comment with feedbacks or your thoughts.
Tall and haunting the building looked treacherous with the green moss growing from the dim red brick. It could have been standing there for decades lonely of human existence. Although it was afternoon the skies always looked as though it were twilight. This whole street looked barren with one building in the middle of it all. The building was named ‘The Old Vickens Place’ after it was uninhabited for a hundred years. The building was too unpleasant to look at. The steps creaked while being stepped on. All this and yet the boy was not afraid. He knocked on the dark brick door. Scraping his hand, he winced and drew back with his eyes closed. He turned around ready to leave. His friends had to pay him that dollar for doing something this scary. The door opened and an unknown hand with claws shot out and pulled him in from behind. He opened his eyes, drew in a breath, and then screamed.
He was taken into the attic. Petrified he stayed still not breathing. Before him was a creature. It was about nine feet tall with a fifteen feet wing span. It looked like a rat that had a black beak for a nose and razor sharp fangs. It was similar to a bat but larger and unusual. At the tip of its wings there were human like hands that had five feet long nails that were black. Its eyes were blood red. It opened its mouth to eat. When it screeched, the dead awoke.
Chapter 1: The Haunting
Even though it was 3 O’clock in the afternoon the skies looked very dark with white clouds covering the sun partially. It was early September and yet it was as cold as it was during the coldest winter. The house looked very old, like it was a century and a half. The dark red brick looked like it needed to be repainted. The moss made it look hideous. I was looking forward to a place to relax but to my dismay, this place made me more anxious than ever. If only I could have convince mom to move somewhere fairly warmer. Florida for instance for goodness sake but no, she wanted ‘a nice quiet house’.
I looked at the twins. They were my older stepbrother and stepsister who are older than me by two and a half years. As we took the steps to the attic, I winced because of the high pitched creep of the stairs. I kept looking at Kernel and Amy they were both sixteen but Kernel was older by only a couple of minutes. Kernel got his name from my mom’s favorite snack, popcorn. Amy was lucky enough not to be called popcorn. Their butter blond bangs covered their blue green eyes. They were lucky that their father had blond hair. I ended up with a different father and shared the same mother after she divorced her first husband. Yet I did not inherit green eyes from my mother but brown hair and brown eyes from my father who later died in a heart attack. After my father died I sort of got this physic power, I was able to sense something or danger coming and I got visions of either the past, present or future.
Once we got to the attic, Kernel broke the silence.
“Oh wow” he said sarcastically “This attic looks old and disgustingly scary”
“I know, it’s creepy” Amy commented, but to me she smirked and said “You better not get scared or any thing like that”
“What?” I said but I knew what she meant.
“She said cut it out with your annoying warnings, their stupid and nobody likes a party pooper, well not us by the way” Kernel butted in.
Why couldn’t he just mind his own business like any ordinary person? Oh yeah I forgot he isn’t an ordinary person, he gets on your nerves and on purpose too. He always had to stick on Amy’s side. I was already starting to get premonitions. I always do. I felt like this house was going to end up lonely again and by that I meant everyone dead. If I really wanted to, I could have run away. But then again I didn’t really care, anything seemed better than living with two idiots.
“Oh cool, Aim, check this out!” Kernel pointed.
“No” I screamed but then I stopped. I remembered Amy’s warning of how she was going to so called ‘beat me up’ and any way I didn’t care if anything happened to Kernel. Amy maybe because I just think Kernel is influencing her to behave like that. I couldn’t help myself and involuntary I screamed again for him to stop.
“Cut it out” Kernel said “or what will happen? I’ll get electrocuted? Puhlease”
Well, let’s say I warned him. Let’s just say he didn’t listen because what happened next had to be a miracle, well, for me any way.
“Looks like some kind of a-” Amy didn’t get to finish, she didn’t get to.
“Aaarrggghhh” Kernel screamed. Amy screamed then, a lot of bats started coming out. I saw a huge batlike silhouetted figure grab Kernel from behind. He shrieked and was pulled up through the roof. Amy started crying and screaming she ran for mom. I stayed there and weirdly I had no feelings at all.
Mom came almost immediately but her precious child was nowhere to be seen. Believe me, its not like I actually cared. I knew he wasn’t coming back and from experience with my past premonitions, like the time grandpa died, never ever look for the dead (especially snotty older stepbrothers) because it’ll turn around and haunt you. Well, for me at least. Anyway my premonitions were never wrong and I never did get along with Kernel. He would just make fun of me. Mom always said he was jealous, like anyone would be jealous of me when they’ve got eyes and hair like that! For all I care, Kernel was dead and Amy might be the next victim.
Chapter 2: Dead
Why were the police here, what was going on. I almost forgot, Kernel, he was dead.
“Now tell us everything, this time no lies” Mom asked with a panicky voice. I told her the same false story but she didn’t believe me. The police were fidgeting, maybe wondering if mom was crazy. I don’t blame them; I would think the same thing.
“You don’t even care that your brother was taken, how am I supposed to believe your story?” “Especially if it’s different from Amy’s” she said
“Oh! If I’m so wrong and Amy is so right, why don’t you just take her story” I shot at her “and anyway I didn’t choose to live here, Hawaii would have worked out for me, too bad”
Mom started crying, she just wanted me to side Amy so the police would believe us. I didn’t. Finally the police left, and then I just had some kind of a vision right after that.
I saw a boy who looked like Kernels age. Instead of blond hair, he had black hair and green eyes. He was at the front of the house being pulled inside screaming. Then I saw the puff angry black smoke through the chimney into the dark gray skies. The creature that took Kernel and the boy looked so vile, I fainted.
When I awoke, I was ninety-nine point nine percent sure I was not dreaming. Kernel wasn’t there and Amy and mom were crying. I looked around, I was at the hospital. Did I die? It sure looked like it. Only, it seemed impossible. How could I still exist? Was this supposed to happen? I looked down, only my body didn’t move. I was a ghost. The doctor told mom to bury me because I was dead. That should be very interesting. Amy was crying, I never seen her cry, unless you count the time when she broke her teeth by hitting her face on the tree.
I remembered my vision. I think I was taken like Kernel but differently, without going through the roof. They were going to bury me, what if I stopped them? A split second later after that thought, I saw Kernel’s ghost appear. He looked at me then my dead body in shock. To Amy and mom he said to them.
“You shouldn’t stay here anymore, I’m dead, but you don’t have to be”
I wanted to say I told you so to mom. I was floating in the air above the dead me trying to get attention. Only they didn’t see me. I wonder how Kernel done it. So I tried to touch my dead body. Instantly when my ghost and dead body touched, I started to transform. Brown wing started to sprout out. My feet slowly changed into talons. My hands grew bigger and grew 5 sharp and long nails on each finger. My face started to extend farther curving at the end like a beak. My teeth grew sharp and long. Then finally I saw red.
I grew hungry with each second and I had a craving for blood. My throat burned of temptation. Amy was right in front of me; I swooped down and lifted her in the air. Mom screamed trying to fight me away. I was faster and stronger. I took Amy to the roof.
There I saw three other creatures who looked a lot like me. I confirmed that one was Kernel and one was the boy in the vision. Now I was one of them. Amy looked up at me and screamed, then, I dug in.


  1. Hey, this isn't bad. Keep it up! Creative writing takes practice and hard work.

  2. Oh my gosh, I didn't see that ending coming at all! You've definitely got the scare factor down. Keep up the good work! (:

  3. Hope to see the full story one day. Keep up the great work.

  4. This is a really great start and I think you have a lovely way with adjectives. Just work on making your sentence flow and varying the structure. If you ever want some detailed help let me know! Good job!


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